tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-83181052252265861652024-02-20T12:08:59.782-08:00So Not a LadyNot a Ladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02728393384268141241noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318105225226586165.post-82636792531096483292012-06-17T17:35:00.000-07:002012-06-17T17:35:26.540-07:00I'm a human, right...?I am not sure when the misconception about women and bodily functions first surfaced, but it ruins my life. I mean, for real. It does. For those of you who are already blushing or are genuinely confused about what I mean, I am talking about the toilet. Yup, that's right. Toilet humor is on the list of things a lady does not openly discuss. Well ladies, here is your chance! A little nervous? I'll start for you...<br />
<br />
I had yet another stressful week in my life. Work was driving me crazy, I had financial issues that made NO sense, and my relationship was (and still is) not where I want it to be. So, being the woman I am, I decided to eat my feelings. That's right... My feelings were in the shape of a large hamburger pizza with extra cheese. Simply delicious. After eating half on Friday night and pounding another two slices the following morning, I felt better... Kind of...<br />
<br />
Saturday morning, I made the dreaded trip to Wal-Mart. Quality folk running around that joint...not. But my broke ass has to shop there in order to do things like eat. <br />
<br />
As I was walking around the store aimlessly, my stomach decided it wanted to remind me about that pizza I ate. Yup. It was knocking at my door (if you know what I mean). Lucky for me, it was only gas. You heard me, boys, GAS! <br />
<br />
So being the super smart LADY I am, I had to come up with a plan and come up with one quick. Ladies (and gents) feel free to use this tip whenever out and about. I think it is and will be the best one I will have (until something else comes up)... I knew I had to poot. There was no avoiding it. My master plan went as follows:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Run (or walk briskly) to the aisle with all the laundry soap.</li>
<li>Start at one end and walk slowly, examining items you are not going to buy.</li>
<li>Let out the gas, but keep it moving.</li>
<li>Once you finish expelling your gas, hit the next aisle over. It usually consists of air fresheners and candles.</li>
</ul>
Needless to say, I won the "damn, I'm gonna be so embarrassed if someone notices my fart" battle. Only a LADY would figure out how to fart in public and keep it moving like nothing happened. So, until next time...<br />
<br />Not a Ladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02728393384268141241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318105225226586165.post-56480410556392004902012-06-17T17:12:00.000-07:002012-06-17T17:12:53.197-07:00Hello World...Are you out there?Greetings! <br />
<br />
After having so many life changing things happen, I have decided to share the negatives of it all. I am sure there are many things ladies think or feel, but can't say anything about it. I am no one special. I graduated from college, started a career, and now I'm just here... Not a bad thing, but there are so many things I wish I could say and do, but being a lady stops me from doing so. With that being said, I am going to share all my shenanigans with you all in hopes I am not alone in this world. This is my first blog, so wish me luck... And if it is beyond awful, don't tell me. I probably can't handle it. Well, there is not much more to say as of right now, so...let's get started...Not a Ladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02728393384268141241noreply@blogger.com0